第五天

Intimacy. Emotional intimacy. To some, this is a given, a walk in the park. Not for me, obviously. Trying to unravel why is this so requires me to dig deep, be uncomfortable with myself. I don't let myself feel enough. Its easy to talk about being present, on happier days. What about on days that you lose all will power to pull yourself together. 

It's almost as though these overwhelming feeling is leaking/bursting out of me. Sporadically. Sometimes a little by little, sometimes all at once. Maybe I thought its impossible to function with emotions. Maybe I was taught so.. 

Crying is for the weak. To the friend that I used to say that to, I'm sorry I was wrong. The real fighter fights with their inner monsters, not just the ones that are visible to others. 

I just wanted to portray the image that I'm strong. But who knew, that the weak one was me. A little late to this emotional game. 也不算晚啦，只是不想承认，面对真真切切的我。这一辈子没掉过的眼泪，默默忍住的，突然一瞬间都不受控制的掉了下来

I'm so messed up at this point. I'm not sure how long I will continue feeling like this. I'm not sure if I'll eventually get out of it. Cause right now, it sure doesn't feel like it

可能习惯自己一个人承担一切的不快乐。好不习惯分享，请多给我一点时间适应